Moments

So, I start work on a Tuesday, which really screws me up in terms of days of the week but I guess when your days off aren't the actual weekend, then it doesn't really matter. Days of the week are weird like that. They're so imprinted in your head to think that Saturday and Sunday are THE days, then it's weird to think of other days as your weekend.

Moses says he doesn't really pay any attention to them anymore because he has a schedule of a block of days on, a block of days off so the real point of know which day it is is so that he'll know whether bars and restaurants will be busy when he shows up. Makes sense, I guess. Given enough time, human beings can get used to anything.

Last summer I had Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, which worked because my friends also had those days off so we could go do epics together and it didn't matter that it wasn't Saturday.

I was also able to do night rides - up til 2/3 am riding around, exploring, sometimes drinking, always having fun... Your days extended into the night and you had that much more time.

It's different this summer... different job, different friends. Lots of people have left, which makes it weird. I mean, last summer was the summer of Claude/Linnaea and I don't really have that this year. I miss having her out here. Haven't really had that sort of thing since last summer.

I may have had it for a little while this past fall/winter but I'm not really sure. The politics of being girls and dating boys took care of that... (reason #16 why I don't have friends who are girls :p) It's completely ridiculous but it was what it was and is what it is, I guess. The silliest thing about it is that despite not wanting to be those kinds of girls, we became those kinds of girls. "Don't let a boy come between you" is all well and good to give as advice and a lofty idea to follow but when feelings get involved, it's messy and it sucks.

Howard Jones said, "No one ever is to blame," but is that true? Human beings are human beings and full of feelings and emotions that we don't really understand and don't really have any control over. We do stupid things and there's always different viewpoints (duh) and different reasonings and when you look back on it, it's so insignificant in the grand scheme of your life. But at that moment it is so incredibly important to you...

The fact of the matter is that I really was sorry about the way everything went down and it's painful and it sucks but I did what I did and I tried to make it right but sometimes people find it easier to feel pain than to do something about it and get on with living their lives. I'm tired of people victimizing themselves and I'm not putting up with it anymore. You get one life as far as I'm concerned. If you want to spend it being miserable, that's your deal but it's not worth it.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Moments. Back in t-bay Amanda and I tried to do this thing where we would wonder whether these moments would still affect us in two months, two years, ten years. Mostly we wondered because we both have huge guilt complexes and have the need to have people like us and to make everyone happy. But that's also a load of crap. Everyone knows you can't make everyone happy and not everyone is going to like you. Doesn't stop people from trying though, I suppose.

Anyway, moments... one of my favourite ads (and I'm sure I've mentioned this before) is that lexus ad that talks about moments...

A Moment (click)

I try to think about that when I'm in a moment (usually a bad one where I'm upset or about to get upset or something) and try to remember to ask myself: Is this a big moment or a little moment? Is it something that is going to brand a scar into my insides, my soul, my whatever... or am I just overreacting? I've had those moments and they've stretched into days, weeks, hell, even months and you have to realize when to Just. Let. Go. There are things that you can control and there are those that you can't.

Things like that guy or girl you like... that you thought you really liked and it's just not working out and you have to let it go but you just can't seem to. Like that thing you said or did that made you feel like a total idiot but probably didn't and probably no one noticed and if they did, I doubt they'll remember it for long (and if they do remember and hold it over you, well, they're obviously not a very good friend of yours). Or that job you really really wanted and didn't get or that day that you totally wasted (there will be other ones, just don't waste 'em all).

I'm not saying there aren't times where life sucks, it really does sometimes, but like Dad said when I tell him sometimes that I'm at the very bottom... "Well, honey, it's not going to be the last time..." Which you have to laugh at and I guess that's a good sign. If you let stuff like that get you down, if you don't laugh instead of freak out or cry (or both), well, you're already toast. And really, if you look back on the years of your life, what things really stand out? What things do you let stand out? That you want to stand out but you realize weren't really that significant after all? Like, for the longest time after what I thought was something huge in my life and I'd really fucked it up by being a total idiotmoron, I couldn't listen to Metro Station because it hurt too much but now when I go to listen to it, well, it's just another song. Sometimes I switch it halfway through and it's not because it hurts, it's because it no longer has that meaning to me and there's no need to hear the rest. Maybe that's the point where you need to get to in a moment that isn't helpful to you... be ready to switch the song?

Like Van Wilder said, "Don't take life too seriously, you're never get out alive."

Huh, well, that started out sort of mundane then slid into some sort of philosophical perspective on life. Sheesh. Ah well. I feel like I might do this all the time and someone should just go ahead and tell me to "shut the fucking door" and live my life instead of overthinking it... hmm. What an idea.

On another note, True Blood has been lovely so far in the third season. :)

Quote du Jour: "Do not consider painful what is good for you." - Euripides

Song du Jour: (for Dad) Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone

Pic du Jour:

My visit to Vancouver two years ago for Kath's tri race that made me fall in love with it and want to be here. Some people thought I was nuts when I said I was just going to move out here but I think that's part of life - making a decision about what you want and just going for it. You fail, you fuck up, well, it happens. I need to be more like that more often I think. Taking chances are a big part of life. If we didn't take chances, we'd all still be living in Europe and though I would appreciate the architecture, I think it'd be a bit cramped.

Aaaaanyway, night...